I awoke at three-fifteen this morning, showered, and drove myself to work. My weed pen had died during the night so I faced the work day without a buzz. It isn't so bad but I find that I am a little less chatty with the customers, less flirty with the young women who walk into my storefront, and more aware of how strenuous the physicals aspects of the job actually are. It may look bad, at least, at a glance to an uninitiated observer, but weed makes me and many others, I suspect, better workers.
Stress, panic, anger and any number of other troubling emotions can greatly affect someone's performance. You move smother and are less bothered by things and if you are fortified against those emotions. Weed often does that trick for me. Plus, I'm looser and happier which makes it easier to look at the pretty chicks in tight yoga pants with my best fuck me eyes while I smile and chat them up. Suddenly, I realize that I am enjoying myself on the clock. That's a fucking amazing feeling.
I had a less than amazing feeling recently. I met a girl while swiping around on a dating app. We chatted a bit and moved our conversation to Snap. That can be risky. That place is crawling with whores and cam girls looking to get frisky. However, this chick wasn't that. She wasn't fat. In her pictures, she had a visible yoga mat. Sadly, I got a bad vibe. We definitely weren't from the same kind of tribe. We spoke English to each other but our language wasn't the same. Understanding never came. At me, she began to throw out anger and blame. She whined in her bitchiest voice and said "I can't follow you because you change subjects too frequently."
The way I communicate is fundamental to my character. I like parentheticals and parentheticals within parentheticals. Sometimes, I ditch a boring story for a better one right in the middle. Did she really want to hear the end of all my lamest anecdotes? Can't we just switch the boring conversation about how I read a lot of Milton in college for the one about how I befriended very wealthy, heroin addicted, Persian girl who went on to send our Milton professor an inappropriate email? Who wants to hear some shit about my term paper when that way more titillating tale is on the table? Fuck that chick and may she be cursed with immortal pubic lice.
I have been taking a lot of mushrooms lately; maybe too many but I feel as though I receive more in benefits than I incur in costs (costs there are, though), so I keep tripping along for the time being. I have been shooting for a heroic dose once a week and have been meeting that goal. Yes, I know, that sounds excessive right? Even to a well traveled psychonaut, that is a bit much but here's the thing: Ever since I started walking this path, I have not missed a day of work, I've felt way more chilled in my day to day life and am significantly less bothered by specific things (that don't bare going into here) that used infuriate me, I'm more creative, and, in some respects, I feel smarter and more likeable which leads me to acting more confidently. Maybe that is worth the occasional bad trip that this frequent mushroom consumption causes.
What is a bad trip, anyway? Like, I feel like the "freak-out" (while possible) is mostly a cliché that is vastly overblown in popular culture and crying in the corner because you're sad about your girlfriend leaving you or something of the like is for teenagers who are fortunate enough to have not yet experienced the loss and hardship of real life. Dark trips, self-judgmental trips, and sad trips are what I tend to have when one turns on me but is that really a bad thing? We all have dark places within us and ignoring them allows them grow in some hidden, shadowy, location. Does facing the darkness not expose it to the controlling light of our conscious mind? The wounds that make us sad can fester away, buried in our unconscious and uncovering them allows us to cleanse them so that they may heal properly. Our ego, prevents us from becoming aware of our problems so killing it for a night may lead to painful self examination but how can we address our issues if we are forever blind to them? The way I see it, the bad trips aren't bad. They are unpleasant to be sure but there is still value to be had there.
That's enough rambling for the day, I suppose.
All the images in this post are taken from unsplash.com.